Monday, 24 February 2014

A light went out in my life last Monday

I have tried three times to write this post and I find it so hard. Last Monday morning, I lost my dear, old companion and friend of the last sixteen years, Barney.
If you know me, you will know just how important he was to me and just how bereft I am feeling. I am grieving, my heart is broken and it hurts. He was more than just a dog, he was my baby. I would not swap any of the last sixteen years at all and I knew at some point this would be the difficult part, the worst part for me was deciding when it had to end and I am struggling to forgive myself for making the ultimate decision to end his life. That's the bit that really hurts. I so wanted him to drift off in his sleep, but it just didn't happen and I'm left with the guilt.
I could not have had a better friend and companion through the last 16 years. I will love and miss him always and I have a hole in my heart just for him. 
RIP Barney Jan 1998 - Feb 2014 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

10 comments:

Alyluvsminialbums said...

My heart goes out to you Caroline as I know what a big part of your life Barney was! Thinking of you!
((Hugs)) Alyson xx

CoventryAnn said...

As soon as I read your heading for this post, I knew it would be poor old Barney. So sorry to hear your news, he has appeared so often on your blog since I have been reading it. XXXX

Julie Muller said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's one I've experienced twice and I know how hard it is to make that decision.

Just remember all the wonderful times you had with him, thinking of you x

Sandra said...

I've thought if you daily, and I know the pain you've been feeling. You could just feel the love between you two. You were so lucky to have had each other xxx

Isa (Batraplume) said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Caroline. Don't feel guilty, you helped him and did the best for him. I even think he was waiting for you to help him. He has had a beautiful life with you during all these years.
I know what you feel, I have lost two cats (Fanfan 16 yo, in 2009, and Louloute 14 yo last September) and each time I've had to make this ultimate decision. So hard.
Now your dear Barney has gone to the Rainbow Bridge, I'm sure he is happy and watching you from there.
Isa XXXX

SueB said...

Oh Caroline, I'm so so sorry. I don't often pop by as I'm afraid I've not blogged for some time, but today just happened to pass by and read this, and my heart sank for you. I know so well how it feels to love and loose a furry loved one, it hurts beyond something you just can't explain unless you have travelled in the same shoes. Please don't feel guilty, you did what any caring person would do, and did the right thing because you loved him so much. He is at peace now, without any pain. Barney must have been one of the best loved doggies, and could not have been more loved. I know everyone says this, but in time it will get better Caroline, I promise. Sending you huge hugs! Love Suzie xxxx

Anonymous said...

I'm so very sorry Barney has gone. I know what a special little dog he was to you. These lovely little pets creep into our hearts don't they & life is never the same after they've gone. I miss my little cat every day & I didn't have her in my life as long as you've had Barney.
You did what you had to do for Barney's sake - not yours, but please don't feel guilty Caroline - he couldn't have been more loved by you & that is all that matters.
Mgt.x

WhamBamPam said...

I am sorry for your loss Caroline.

Tamarstreasures.blogspot.com said...

I am so sorry that you sweet companion has departed. I know your pain firsthand. I am asking the Holy Spirit to comfort you and to bring you joy and to heal your broken heart. I believe that our "babies" will be in Heaven; many disagree, but, the Bible says that the lion will lay down with the lamb. I hope you feel comforted soon. Tami Landreneau in Tennessee, USA

Denverkat276 said...

For him to live 16 years, that meant you took wonderful care of him and loved him. I’m so sorry for your loss. Our animals will always mean so much to us. I agree they are like our children. My heart aches for you.

Any loss is significant to us. (((((hugs)))). God bless you. I pray you don’t have the dark grief too long so you can get back to the happy and wonderful memories. We all have to go through the sadness. For that I’m so sorry.

All though this is easier said then it is to do, keep your chin up. You have many friends that care who you don’t even know. One more…. (((((hugs))))
kat